SUNDAY SHIFT #3
LAZINESS is a LIE!?!
I spent nearly 50 years beating myself up as a lazy loser.
Couldn't start tasks. Would sit and stare at my to-do list for hours, always finding something else to do instead of tackling the hard stuff.
Everyone else seemed to just... do things. The internal soundtrack was brutal: "You're pathetic. Just start already. You won’t finish this thing, either. What's wrong with you?"
Turns out, I wasn't a lazy loser. I was overwhelmed.
My ADHD brain was overwhelmed by all the invisible steps that real "simple" tasks actually involve. Doing laundry isn't just "doing laundry'—it's sorting, loading, remembering to switch it, folding, and putting away. That's like eight different executive function challenges.
My intention: to do it as I said I would.
The reality: this is a lot more than I thought it would be.
The result: frustration for everyone involved.
The breakthrough: There is a strange, old phrase: “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. (kinda gross, but you get the point)
When I broke tasks into single steps and did them one at a time, the "laziness" disappeared. Not just that, but I internally celebrated the accomplishment of each step.
Now I see it everywhere with kids. The child who "won't" clean their room isn't defiant - they're overwhelmed by the 47 micro-decisions that "clean your room" actually requires. Punishing them to sit there until it it done or asking “what’s wrong with you? This isn’t hard” isn’t helping—it’s harming. It’s not a matter of willingness or obedience; it’s a matter of executive function freeze.
Laziness is just overwhelm wearing a disguise.
Next time you or your kid seems "lazy," ask: "What's the smallest possible first step here?" Then, don’t just ask it, show them how, together.
Your presence and modeling are essential to help them overcome their overwhelm in their “feeling” brain and develop their executive functioning in their “thinking” brain.
What task have you been avoiding that might actually be overwhelming?
About what task have you been assuming a child is being lazy, when they might actually be frozen in overwhelm?
Let us know your thoughts!